My partner is having an ongoing battle with the booze at the moment. A couple of weeks ago we went to our babysitters 18th birthday tea party. Everything was fine and he was enjoying himself, tucking into the buffet, until the alcohol came out. It wasn't even much really. Everyone except my partner toasted the birthday girl with a small glass of Champagne and the the majority of the guests had another glass or two of wine, punch or G&T. As I was driving I didn't have any more drink but a couple of guests gstarted to get a little "merry" and a lot louder. It was at this moment, my partner realised he couldn't be in that environment and we made our excuses and left. He explained that he had absolutely no tolerance for dealing with drunk people. Even close friends, even when they were just a little merry and enjoying a special day.
On Friday we went out to one of our local music venues, we only went to say hello to a few friends and say goodbye to the venue which was clsoing after decades at the forefront of the live music scene in our city. We ended up staying about 90 minutes. My partner had 2 cans of lager and wasn't "feeling it"and wasn't feeling too good either. After 9 weeks without a drop of alcohol passing his lips, his body was not exactly thrilled to have to filter out the toxins again!
On Saturday we were invited last minute to a gig. We had planned on staying in and having a quiet night but the fact that we'd been put on the guestlist (saving us £34) and that it was a band I'd loved for almost 20 years and never had the chance to see live, was too great a lure! Again, my partner had 2 cans of lager over the couple of hours we were there. He had a brilliant night but admitted he was feeling the negative effects of the alcohol again. The only way he could describe it was that his body felt polluted and he felt as if he was overflowing with bile. He's had an upset stomache ever since too, which is yet aother sign that his body just can't deal with alcohol anymore. To be honest, I'm not sure why he persists in trying to drink - I wouldn't if it were me.
On Sunday we spent the day at my parents. My Mum is going into hospital on the 19th of March for her 2nd operation to remove the cancer from her leg. I had one small glass of sparkling Perry with our meal and my partner had a couple of large glasses. He didn't complain so much about any after effects but he seems tired and lethargic these days whereas last week he was full of life.
I wish I could get him to stop the drink alltogether. He keeps telling me he wouldn't enjoy going out unless he could drink. I keep explaining I have a great night everytime I go out and hardly ever drink at all - even when I'm not driving I'll only have one or two small drinks yet I still have a brilliant night out. It's the people you are with and what you are doing that brings enjoyment, not the chemicals you put into your body.
Tuesday 13 March 2012
Tuesday 6 March 2012
Up And Down And Round And Round
Well, I am finally back to the land of blogging after taking a short break. I wish I could say we actually went on a break away somewhere but we didn't - I just didn't have the right state of mind to get on here and update you.
My partners moods have been very up and down, he's not sleeping well either which doesn't help. Every night it takes him hours to get off to sleep and when he finally does, he's plagued with nightmares. We had been invited to a fundraising event on Friday and Saturday - a music even to raise money for various womens charities. The organiser knows us and our money situation and had told us she'd let us in for free. Unfortunately, on our way over, my partner suddenly went into one of "black moods" and we decided to turn round and come home. As much as I was looking forward to going out and seeing some of our friends, I didn't want to risk Mr C getting into fights. his black moods as he calls them make him full of rage and he feels incredibly violent. I know he'd never touch me or the children but it would only take something tiny to make him fly off the handle with someone else.
We drove over to see one of his best friends at the weekend. They used to work together and she acts as his therapist. He was very disappointed that we only got to see her for 10 minutes as she was busy with family stuff but thay have arranged to meet for dinner today. I just hope he doesn't cancel like he did last month when he was feeling depressed and didn't want to see anyone.
A few nights ago my partner took me by surprised and told me he wanted us to try for a baby. I was very taken aback as I didn't think he was ready emotioonally for such a big commitment. I told him the thought of us trying for a baby was lovely and we left it at that. However, the next day he was quite ill. He thinks it's his liver as he's extremely tired and feeling nausious all te time. He's also been suffering with bad diarroeah for a couple of days too. He was laid on the sofa when he told me he thinks his liver is "on the way out". I'm not really sure where that leaves us to be honest. I would love us to have a baby but I am terrified by the thought of him being very ill and then dying, leaving me with a baby to bring up on my own. I guess that sounds selfish. I already have two children and know how hard it has been raising them. I desperately want us to be able to have children together but at the same time I have to take into consideration the emotional rollercoaster we will all have to endure if my partner gets ill. Is it fair to bring a child into thhis world, knowing full well one of its parents is not going to be around to watch them grow up?
I know there are no guarantees in life. I could die tomorrow, any of us could. But when you have been told you have around 5 years, is it wise to stick your head in the sand and just live for today?
My partners moods have been very up and down, he's not sleeping well either which doesn't help. Every night it takes him hours to get off to sleep and when he finally does, he's plagued with nightmares. We had been invited to a fundraising event on Friday and Saturday - a music even to raise money for various womens charities. The organiser knows us and our money situation and had told us she'd let us in for free. Unfortunately, on our way over, my partner suddenly went into one of "black moods" and we decided to turn round and come home. As much as I was looking forward to going out and seeing some of our friends, I didn't want to risk Mr C getting into fights. his black moods as he calls them make him full of rage and he feels incredibly violent. I know he'd never touch me or the children but it would only take something tiny to make him fly off the handle with someone else.
We drove over to see one of his best friends at the weekend. They used to work together and she acts as his therapist. He was very disappointed that we only got to see her for 10 minutes as she was busy with family stuff but thay have arranged to meet for dinner today. I just hope he doesn't cancel like he did last month when he was feeling depressed and didn't want to see anyone.
A few nights ago my partner took me by surprised and told me he wanted us to try for a baby. I was very taken aback as I didn't think he was ready emotioonally for such a big commitment. I told him the thought of us trying for a baby was lovely and we left it at that. However, the next day he was quite ill. He thinks it's his liver as he's extremely tired and feeling nausious all te time. He's also been suffering with bad diarroeah for a couple of days too. He was laid on the sofa when he told me he thinks his liver is "on the way out". I'm not really sure where that leaves us to be honest. I would love us to have a baby but I am terrified by the thought of him being very ill and then dying, leaving me with a baby to bring up on my own. I guess that sounds selfish. I already have two children and know how hard it has been raising them. I desperately want us to be able to have children together but at the same time I have to take into consideration the emotional rollercoaster we will all have to endure if my partner gets ill. Is it fair to bring a child into thhis world, knowing full well one of its parents is not going to be around to watch them grow up?
I know there are no guarantees in life. I could die tomorrow, any of us could. But when you have been told you have around 5 years, is it wise to stick your head in the sand and just live for today?
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