Mr C learnt many valuable lessons during his time in rehab. The most important of these was "stay away from murkey puddles". These murkey puddles have proved to be Mr C's downfall, he tries to say away from them but when life throws him a curveball, he heads straight for them. As a recovering addict, there's always going to be a constant battle with temptation. Everyone has moments of weakness, but my partner seems to have more than his fair share of them! I'm constantly having to stay one step ahead of him which is not always easy in the sense that I feel like I'm expecting him to fail, which isn't the case. I try my best to keep him away from people and situations which have the potential to cause harm to him and his progress. Sometimes I feel like I'm not giving him enough credit but we both no he has very little self control - if he had more he wouldn't be binge drinking and doing things he knows will upset me and put a strain on our relationship. He really needs to start attending regular meetings and get ongoing support for his addiction. At the end of the day, there's only so much I can do to help him, he needs to find it within himself to make the right choices, not rely on me to keep him out of trouble. I will always help him in any way I can but he needs professional help and to be willing to help himself.
Finally, after ringing the hospital again last week, Mr C has been given an appointment in August. I am dreading what the consultant will say. My partners last blood test results were very worrying to say the least and I'm terrified he has done yet more irrepairable damage to his liver. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that he can be put forward to try Telaprevir this year. Anything is worth trying at this point, even if it means 12 months of horrendous side effects, at least we would be doing *something* instead of sitting here letting the virus run rampant.
I hate seeing the man I love in so much pain. Sometimes it's physical, sometimes mental, most days it's a combination of both. He's hardly sleeping, has pretty much lost his appetite, has no energy, is getting long episodes of cold sweats both during the day and through the night, and is picking up all kinds of viruses and infections at the minute. Plus there's the fact that he's been totally devoid of a libido for well over 6 months and is constantly depressed with days where he's feeling suicidal. I feel utterly helpless, and I'm a control freak at the best of times so feeling helpless drives me mad and often sets off my own bouts of depression.
